Hello hello -I am Shanelle Dupree a strategic connector with deep Midwestern roots. My purpose is to share how simple it is to connect God's word to our lives and the transformational impact connecting to our creator has on our faith, family, and focus.
I was nearly in tears after leaving a banquet Saturday night.
Mark Dupree just looked at me and smiled. He knew exactly how I was feeling- which was humbled.
The banquet was inspiring and important, but it was a conversation I had as we were leaving, that kept us a few moments longer.
A gentleman approached us and shook Mark’s hand. He said, “I want to introduce myself to you Mr. Dupree, and I also wanted to say hello to your wife.”
We both look at him.
He continues and turned to me, “Do you remember me? You were my lawyer.”
I pause, and look at him again squinting my eyes in the dimly lit room. I couldn’t place him.
He said his name, and it all came flooding back. I gasped and said, “oh my goodness! You look so happy! How are your kids??”
He laughed, “I am happy, and thank you for helping my family.” He began to tell me the details of how his, now grown children, were doing and it brought me so much joy. He then brings his wife over and she hugs me and says, “thank you, you were a blessing during a hard time for me and my husband.”
I can’t tell you the many times he called in a panic about the toxic relationship he and his ex-wife was impacting his parenting time, or the silly motions we defended in court, or the change in custody motions that were held.
To hear that he had a healthy relationship with his kids was a pleasure to hear.
He continued, “you have no idea how much we appreciate everything you did for our family, you were a great lawyer.”
I nodded, and said, “thank you, but you were a good client, your kids always came first.”
I hope for anyone out there experiencing a disruption in their family structure knows that there is “better” on the other side.
When divorce and separation occurs it really is a death of a dream, and a life planned together.
If you try to navigate this disruption by yourself without emotional, spiritual, and legal guidance it can make things exponentially worse.
Here are 5 observations:
Keep first things first. Meaning love your children more than you dislike/hate the other person.
Using your kids as your sounding board/therapist is harmful- even if they eagerly agree to listen.
Allow and give space for your babies to love both of you. Never make them choose- directly or indirectly.
Get wise counsel. If you hire an attorney, make sure it’s one that aligns with your values AND isn’t in it to blow up your life (sometimes petty attorneys can fuel the fire and keep drama going & convince you to do the same). If you decide not to hire an attorney (there are different self-help clinics and options now), you will still need support from someone who is emotional intelligent to help be a sounding board for you- find your person (not your kids).
If there is not abuse & hiding of assets, mediation may be right for your family. I am in support of families deciding for themselves what parenting time and custody should look like. I would tell my clients all the time- why would you want a Judge who doesn’t know or love your family deciding what’s best for you and your kids? Again- if abuse and deception of assets are not present- consider mediation.
My former client is on the other side of his storm, and it’s possible for your family as well.
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